Question:

My daughter has an amazing talent – she is a natural tennis star. The problem is this requires her to play on Shabbos, and recently she has become more observant and refuses to play. Must she give up her life dream for her religion? Is this fair? Why does G-d restrict someone from achieving their goals in life? 

Answer:

There is no doubt that being an observant Jew limits certain career choices. But perhaps this is not a bad thing.

From a Jewish perspective, playing tennis is a wonderful hobby, a great way to keep fit, have fun and make friends. But it is not a life mission. The soul was not sent down to this world to perfect its second serve. Nobody’s life mission is to have a great backhand.

The single-minded dedication and complete and total focus required to become a tennis pro means sacrificing other parts of life. How many teenagers lose their childhood years to intense training? How many families lose their mother/father to world tours and gruelling schedules?

This is not the Jewish ideal. We are here to work on our character, not our backswing. Our mission is to be good parents, good spouses, good community members and good citizens. If we are also good tennis players, that’s wonderful. But that is not our identity.

If we want our children to share these ideals, then we must be very careful which role models we present them with. The average sports star is not necessarily the paragon of goodness and morality. If these are our children’s models, then we are setting them up for disappointment. But if from a young age we expose our children to real heroes, giants of the spirit who lived lives dedicated to goodness, then they are more likely to dream of being like them one day.

Tennis is a fantastic sport. But no more than that. Life and its meaning are found elsewhere.

All the best

Rabbi Moss

Question:

My life has come to a standstill. I’m bored at work, and my relationship is going nowhere. I think I need a change of scenery. Should I move away, or do you think a career change will be enough?

Answer:

There’s only one problem with changing scenery. Wherever you go, you’ll still be there. Even if everything around you changes – your address, your job, your partner, your car – as long as you are the same old you, you will be living the same old life.

The human soul has a deep need for growth. Stagnation is poison to the soul. What was good enough yesterday is insufficient for today, and the me of the past will not satisfy us in the future. We need to be constantly adding new insights, facing new challenges and charting new territory. To achieve this, we need not go anywhere. We need just to look inside ourselves and change our inner scenery.

You don’t need a career move. You need a soul move. Embark on some new challenges in your spiritual life. Go and buy an inspiring and meaningful book and read a little every day. Feed your mind with new ideas. Challenge yourself to work on a character weakness, like being more patient with your kids or with your parents, or thinking before you speak. Take on a new mitzvah, like putting on Tefillin in the morning or saying a blessing before and after eating.

The changes need not be big and dramatic, but they must be consistent. We learn this lesson from the Chanukah candles.

On the first night of Chanukah we light one candle, on the second two, and we continue to add one new candle each night, until the eighth and final night when we light eight candles. This means that what was enough yesterday is not enough today. If on the fourth night of Chanukah I light four candles, I have fulfilled the mitzvah perfectly. But if I light the same four candles on the fifth night, I am lacking, I have fallen behind. Every new day requires another new candle.

If you aren’t growing spiritually, if you haven’t added more light, you are stagnating and falling. Not even a new iPhone can fill that void. But if you just add one candle, a single spiritual challenge and one solitary step further in your soul journey, then you have changed from within, and the whole world changes with you.

All the best

Rabbi Moss

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