You are quite wrong – intermarriage CAN be good for Jews.

My husband married me, thinking he was marrying out. After marriage, I decided to convert (orthodox) due to my own spiritual path. My husband was horrified – he was brought up non-practicing reform family. Through my conversion process he has become engaged in the Jewish community, is a member of our local Shul, keeps kosher and has a positive Jewish identity.

You never know where intermarriage can take the Jewish partner.

When you converted, your husband was no longer intermarried. Yours is a happy ending. But you are the exception, not the rule. We have lost thousands of Jewish families to intermarriage. Would you honestly advise someone to marry a non-Jew expecting the same thing to happen again? Would you be happy if your children married non-Jews?

You obviously were a hidden Jewish soul waiting to come out. And I am glad you did. The Jewish people is better for it.

I have a question and I honestly hope that there is a reason for what you said: “Intermarriage is never good for the Jew”.

Why?
I’m a non jew but learning about judaism makes me better, why can’t the opposite be right also? Is it non-jew’s fault not to be born a jew and therefore not to be able to marry a jew? What is wrong with us to be not considered as good as jewish people?

You have not quoted me correctly. I wrote: “Intermarriage is never good for the Jews”, not as you wrote: “for the Jew.” There is a big difference.

My point is that for Judaism to survive and continue, there needs to be committed Jews producing actively Jewish families. This can only be when Jews marry Jews. There is nothing in what I wrote that suggests that there is anything wrong with non-Jews.

In fact, I don’t think intermarriage is good for non-Jews either. For children to know who they are and have a clear identity, their parents must be on the same page. This is the same for Catholics, Muslims and Sikhs as it is for Jews.

I hope it is clear that in no way am I saying that non-Jews aren’t good enough.

This interpretation justifies BOTH bigotry and hate.

As a convert myself, my heart reacts to your words. I never forget that I had a non-Jewish birth, nor does anyone else in the community, and I have OFTEN experienced the judgement and overwhelming bigotry that appears to be the underpinning principle of your interpretation.. and I am SO grateful there are other Jews who treat me with the love represented in the story of Ruth and NOT the foundation of bigotry and hate in your interpretation of Purim.

In reaction to your words, I never forget that bigotry and hate were at the foundation of Nazism. Bigotry and hate are the foundation of all genocidal behavior. By your interpretation (and not necessarily your acts) and the traditional interpretation of Judaism, conversion can never represent Judaism, and for me.. bigotry and hate cannot.

I think you may have misunderstood my words. I am simply making the point that the Jewish people will not survive if Jews marry non-Jews. We are different with different missions – a point you yourself prove. You converted to Judaism. Were you being bigoted by becoming Jewish? Were you saying that there is something wrong with non-Jews? Were you inciting hatred? Of course not! But you were saying that there is something about being Jewish that is unique, and you wanted that. When Jews give up their Jewishness, that uniqueness is lost.

To be honest, it is quiet disgusting at the level of lack of respect to a rabbi who has welcomed jews and non jews alike to his shul. My opinion is that his words and intentions are being taken out of context. I agree with the rabbis words and ultimate message that he is putting out, which in my opinion is, ‘ jews need to marry jews. period.’ Of course there are exceptions where a jew has married a non jew, then eventually the non jew converted and became practising and they lived happily ever after. Is that that outcome for the MAJORITY of similar cases? I highly doubt it. My girlfrind is converting to be Jewish, and when she read the debate she was quiet saddened that the rabbis own people…some of his own congregation can post such things that the rabbi may be promoting hate bigotry etc etc…..she had enough brains to understand what was the ultimate message being sent and from who? a politician? a stranger? no, your own rabbi. Shame on some of you. The western race has alot to learn from the east.

Sam

My (Jewish) daughter intermarried. All was fine until their child was born, then it all changed. He does not support her properly, depending upon her work to pay most of the bills, buy the furniture and pay off the car. He is very lazy and prefers the easy life rather than working longer hours to move ahead. He has his own life too for example food and treats that he buys only for himself. He will not tell her where he is going and has nice clothes for himself, but does not give her money for her clothes. She has to fight to get any money out of him for the child. He has other very strange habits that she tries to hide from us, going back to his childhood experiences. His family have never come to visit them. She is too proud to leave him, soldiering on and on as she gets older with the excuse that he is the child’s father and the child needs him. She does not want to be told “I told you so!”
He does not accompany her to any of our family’s occasions, whether it be a wedding, Shabbat, Pesach or just a get-together.
To put it simply, it is not what she expected. Intermarriage has surprises. It must have been inconceivable for her to have even thought that she would be abandoned in her personal life, having to suffer financial abuse and the pain that she must feel when she has to go out in public without his participation, after spending years justifying the relationship.
Now many will say: “This happens in Jewish families too”. Of course it does, but analysing any data it is obvious that unless there is a conversion and both partners to the marriage go in the same direction, almost all marriages between a Jew and a non-Jew are generally doomed. Why do so many of our people believe that they will be the one or two in a hundred to succeed? Gambling on such odds is not the solid foundation for marriage and certainly not for bringing up emotionally healthy children. Yes Rabbi Moss, Esther was a tyrant’s chattel stuck without choice, but today’s woman is free. It is written: “Choose life.” My daughter and so many like her do not have a life. Why go that way?

I agree with Rabbi Moss. If every jew marries out…Eventualy there will be no jews and there will be no Israel.

How can you be so racist? Weren’t all human beings created in the image of our Creator? I can understand why Jews should marry in for we need to continue the existence of our Jewish nation but how can we state unequivocally and openly that it is not good for the Jews?

When I was growing up my dad used to say, “you have to marry a Jewish boy, they are different, being Jewish is in your blood”. Sure enough, few years down the track I was diagnosed with Crohns disease which is mostly occurring amongst the Jewish population. When I fell pregnant I was so worried that my son will be a carrier and the dr reassured me that chances have dcreased since my husbad is not Jewish by birth. It would have been awful to know that my son will be suffering all his life all because I am Jewish. Scientists will tell you that practice of endogamy may lead to groups extinction rather than its survival especially when disease such as those above affect a large percentage of the population. Other diseases include Canavan disease, Blooms Disease etc. The list grows but these and other disease are more pominetn aongst Ashkanazi Jews who practices endogamy than other populations

Juidaism is not a race. Its a type of Soul.Moshe Rabbenue married someone from a different nation.(Oviously she became fully jewish and after maton Torah the whole nation converted.)
In ancient jewish history conversion was more common. To quote the gemorah-Goyim would arrive in Israel to do business. They would out of curiosity go to jerusalem to see what the Temple was all about. See the 10 daily revealed miracles in the beit HaMikash and convert .
Before Islam almost the entire arabian penisula became jewish.(So I have read.)
Certain Rabbi’s had such a huge influence in Rome, they were banished from the city.There was even a huge following of noahides back then.
Another example. The original morrocan jews were a arab tribe decendant from Yishmael.There was a Queen at bthe time of the second Temple who converted and donated a particular thing to the Temple. Most of her nation followed suite. The kuzari is a similar example.Many great Rabbi’s of ancient times were converts or children of converts, theres a huge list.
With all the anti-semitism.Conversion endangered the jewish community and the convert.The famous story of avraham ben avraham son of a duke who was burt at the stake.
The jewish people are a nation ‘only through Torah and Mitzvos’ This is in essence what we are, and is the definition of the word jew.
Strict Halacha teaches one may not convert to marry . But there seems to be plenty of leniency these days. The lubavitcher Rebbe said officially there are 30 million jews, unofficially 50 million.
Which makes sense since we are only 2 tribes of the 12.Many jews were also sold into slavery by the roman and what have you.
So I think there is no hard fast rule.Juidaism is not for everyone. But those who can do it with Kabbalas oil should never be discouraged.They are the backbone of our nation.

@Shoshana
I just have one question for Shoshana….. you see love represented in the story of Ruth, and not hate? Do you not realize that the world was UP IN ARMS when Ruth “converted”, albeit for a different reason than is being discussed today…. but THAT IS YOUR EXAMPLE?!

I teach English at a local community college. Every semester I teach Elie Wiesel’s memoir Night. Most students are very open to reading and discussing the book on a new level: a metahistorical reading. This indicates that they have arrived at an adult reading of the piece. Their past experience is prologue, but not definitive in new comprehension, interpretation, analysis, and evaluation. Most students appreciate the opportunity for this adult approach to the book. Some have told me that they have studied this already: enough with the Holocaust. My response to this outlook is like the rabbi’s response to intermarriage: The Jewish people is a tiny community, and, unfortunately, diminishing in numbers every day. Intentional loss of interest in staying in the community only makes the community less viable, stable, hopeful. As a nation, we have, by the grace of Hashem, survived for a little more than 3300 years–from the time of the giving of the Torah. As the most ancient surviving nation in modern times, we need every Jewish soul to help maintain our peoplehood: every Jewish man, woman, and child. It is important that Jews and well as Gentiles understand my point. In fact, mutual respect will help heal our still troubled, fragmented world.

Rabbi Moss,

I sense here a very narrow definition of what is ‘good for the Jews’ – namely that they will keep a strict fundamentalist-dogmatic interpretation of Jewish scriptures.

I also sense a very narrow definition of Jewishness, namely one that a narrow halachic definition espouses.

I also sense a strong judgement against those Jews that don’t follow this strict dogmatic-halachic understanding of Jewishness, with the article insisting that they have ’strayed’ and are still not ‘exempt’ from their ‘obligations’.

I think what the Jewish people need most is unity, which can only be achieved through acceptance of the validity of each others differing views.

In the bigger picture, what’s more important than Jews marrying only Jews is that Jews are inspired in their Jewishness, and are contributing to humanity in ‘their’ Jewish way. Intermarriage has no influence on this as it’s something that is part of one’s essense (etzem mahuto).

I see many of the problems with Jewish identity today as a result of the strictly legalistic-fundamentalist-dogmatic approach to Jewishness – i.e. Orthodoxy – and it’s claim to be the only valid understanding of Jewishness.

Hillel didn’t stand on one foot and proclaim – ‘Legalistic pilpul is the essense of Judaism’. He said, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.” I take from this that any interpretation of scripture that is hateful to someone has lost sight of the bigger picture.

You wouldn’t want someone to negatively judge the validity of your marriage, or your life choices and beliefs, so why negatively judge the validity and choices of those who disagree with your understanding of Jewishness?

I just want to clarify, that while I disagree with Orthodox theology, I accept it’s right to exist. What I don’t accept is it’s insistence that ONLY it has the right to exist.

What about Moshe marrying Tziporah? What about King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba? Aren’t these examples of intermarriage that were good for the Jews, or at least not bad for the Jews?

I would hope that people who read the Rabbis emails unserstand that the Rabbi is a man of god. Being that he is unable to provide hatred to any of gods creations. To even suggest that Rabbi Moss is hinting at anything close to bogotry or hatred is ridiculous.

Good Shabbas

I too had a very strong reaction to this article. I also married a non Jewish man. This man is by far the most spiritual person I have ever come across in my life. Not in a religious way, but deep in his soul. He is incredibly respectful of my beliefs, is involved in all of our family traditions and wants to bring our children up as Jewish. My husband is the most incredible man I have ever met in my life, his religion is not important, his soul is important. Most importantly, since I met him, I am the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever felt in my life. Surely Judaisim wants their people to be happy?

I think the story of Esther tells us that you sometimes have to do G-d’s work in different ways.

I grew up in Bondi in the sixties. The horrors of The Holocaust were never far from any of our family gatherings and Israel was frequently under threat of annihilation. My Bar-Mitvah class was obsessed with sex & repopulating worldwide Jewry.

However, we had become true soulmates before the inevitable question popped up. Complete opposites – Jewish & Catholic! “Guess who’s coming to dinner?” Ouch! Advice from generally supportive friends ranged from “There are so many Jews in New York, don’t worry about it” to “You both have the same G-d”

In a bizarre twist of fate,after 30 years of marriage & 4 beautiful Catholic Jewish children, it turns out that her maternal great grandmother was probably Jewish. If you go back far enough …………..

We married for love. Neither of us changed religion. I am still a Jew and she is still a devout Catholic. We believe in the same G-d. We our planning to visit New York soon.

I’m reminded of a debate in the 1980s between Alan Dershowitz and the late Rabbi Meir Kahane.
Kahane lambasted anyone who says they want their children to marry Jews for no definable reason as racists who seem to have an ethnic preferance.
His point was that Jews have no reason to marry Jews unless it is because they want to build a Jewish home based on Torah (not necessarily meaning all 613 mitzvot) and to continue that tradition which began thousands of years ago.

Everyone is coming out of the woodwork to give their example of how intermarriage has worked for them. Like the Rabbi said, intermarriage is not good for the Jews (plural), not for the Jew. So there are some cases were a Jew has had fulfillment in intermarriage. Good for you! I’m glad it worked out! However, if EVERY Jew does this then with out a doubt not only will we not maintain our Jewish identity; Judaism will not be intrinsic in our souls.
We are so fortunate to live in these extremely free communities yet we have to be careful. Jews have married Jews for as long as they have because it was so obvious to ourselves and to others that we are Jewish. Now in the secular world, it is not so obvious. We look, dress, talk, and behave, like other non-Jews, so our Jewish identity is deteriorating. It has led to intermarriage and has caused less Judaism to be in our children’s hearts and souls. So in general we need to keep our numbers up! It’s business! So if 1 or 2 out of 10 intermarry, great! I hope it works out! The Rabbi is right, and it is out of your own ego and arrogance that you would criticize him.
Also, there is nothing wrong with other religions! When I marry my JEWISH girlfriend, many of our groomsmen and bridesmaids will be Non-Jewish. These are people we have very deep relationships and bonds with, who we love and respect very much. Some of them come to Seders in April, and we go decorate this one family’s Christmas tree with them in December. My one Christian friend is even a Republican and we still love him!… The point is that we are talking about MARRIAGE not relationships and treatment of others. Marriage is the unification of souls. On the mystical level, if your souls are intrinsically different, how can they match? They are like two puzzle pieces that don’t fit. If that is too Jewish or deep of an understanding of marriage for you, then on the more surface level, you are Jewish, you descend from a long line of Jews, so why break that chain of faith? After all that our people have been through and suffered, it is kind of arrogant and egomaniacal to do whatever you want with your life. Obviously it is your life and you can do what you want with it, but your ancestors have struggled and suffered so that you could have the life of freedom you have, and its irresponsible to feel like you don’t owe them anything. Passover is coming up, when we learn that FREEDOM COMES WITH RESPONSIBILITY. You have a responsibility, Jews, so be responsible…