Question: 

 

In my Torah studies I’ve learnt that not only should you do the right thing, but you should also be seen to be doing the right thing. The example that I was given was that an observant Jew shouldn’t enter a non-kosher restaurant to use the facilities, lest someone think that he/she might be eating there.

At first glance this seems absurd. Why should anyone be so suspicious? What is it their business anyway? Should we be more concerned with the “appearance” of doing right (or wrong) or the actual practice??

Answer:

 Certainly you are correct, we should be more concerned about what we do than how we look. But this does not mean that we can completely ignore the way things appear to others.

 

We cannot be invisible. Nobody lives in a vacuum, unless you are a vacuum cleaner bag. Our actions impact others whether we like it or not. Every individual contributes to the social fabric. And so we are not only responsible for our actions, but also for the impression they make, because we are responsible for the morality of others, not just our own. Any behaviour that may counteract the furtherance of goodness is a moral problem.

 

It isn’t about my reputation as much as about my influence. When I do something that looks wrong, even if I have a perfectly good explanation as to my innocence, the damage is done.

 

If I enter a non-kosher restaurant to use the facilities, while I have not broken any law of keeping kosher, I have crossed the divide between kosher and not kosher, and invite others to do the same. If I take shelter from torrential rain under the awning of a house of ill-repute, I give credibility to that place that it does not deserve.

 

But there’s a deeper reason not to do something that just looks wrong, even if it isn’t wrong, and even if no one is looking. Not only can such activity affect others, it can affect us too.

 

Stage actors know that when you play a character, you can sometimes become it. The self we project to others can sometimes be absorbed in our own identity. And so by looking like you are doing something wrong, you may come to actually do it. By feeling comfortable in a place that you don’t really belong, you may end up thinking you do belong there. You can’t remain immune from your surroundings.

 

This law teaches some powerful lessons. You affect your surroundings and your surroundings affect you. We build a community together, and so we are all responsible for it. Your morality is my business.

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

Question:

 Please G-d we are expecting a baby soon. We know that if it is a boy then we can’t tell anyone his name until the Bris. But why? And if it is a girl, she is meant to be named in synagogue before the name is announced, is that right? What is the significance of all of this? 

 Answer:

 Naming is a big thing. A child’s Hebrew name is the description of their soul, their mission and their spiritual energy. Only when the name is given does the soul settle in the body. And so we give the name at the earliest opportunity, but also at the most spiritually suitable time.

 For a boy, we wait for the Bris. We want him to receive his name after entering into the covenant with G-d. But for a girl, there is no need to wait. At the very next Torah reading after her birth, her father (or if necessary someone else) is called to the Torah, and the rabbi then says a prayer to bless the mother and name the baby. Some have the custom to wait until the first Shabbos after the birth, but it can be done before that on a Monday or Thursday morning when the Torah is read.

 The reason we don’t reveal the name before the actual naming is because we want her name to ‘land’ on her in an aura of sanctity and holiness. This is why we do it at the Torah, in synagogue. Such an occasion has similar holiness to a Bris. The soul of Elijah the Prophet is present at every girl’s naming too, to bless the child and approve her name. We despatch this freshly born soul on her life mission surrounded by holiness and blessing.

Apart from the naming ceremony which is done soon after the birth, the parents should hold a Kiddush, a celebratory meal, in synagogue on a Shabbos day, some weeks after the birth of a girl, as a thanksgiving to G-d for her safe arrival.

 If a girl was born but not named at the Torah, it is never too late. Even an adult can have a naming ceremony done for them, and hold a Kiddush to celebrate. This can only bring blessing, and who doesn’t need more blessing?

 Wishing your baby’s soul a safe landing,

Rabbi Moss

Question: 

 

Dear Rabbi Moss,

Although I was raised in a traditional home, was brissed and barmitzvad (sorry about these spellings) I have never had any faith or “religious” belief. I am now aged 34, and would describe myself as an atheist. I have no wish to be buried in a Jewish cemetery (and my Will has also made this clear) and have married a non-Jew in a civil ceremony.

My question is, can I consider myself officially non-Jewish, by my effective opting-out, or do I need some sort of form or dispensation to be officially no longer Jewish?

Many thanks for your help with what is perhaps an unusual question.

Best wishes,

Edward. 

Answer:

 

Dear Edward,

 

I would like to help you, but I feel there’s nothing I can do.

 

According to your question, you have done everything possible to negate your Jewishness: in practice you do not keep Jewish tradition; in belief you are an atheist; in family life you have married a non-Jew and thus won’t have Jewish children; and even in death you are determined not to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

 

One would think that all this would be enough to confirm your un-Jewishness.

 

But no.

 

For some reason, you are still unsatisfied: you still feel Jewish. So much so, you feel you need official dispensation.

And so, being an atheist, to whom do you turn to solve this problem? A doctor? A psychiatrist? The civil celebrant that married you? No…….You turn to a rabbi!!!

 

I’m reminded of the child who ran away from home, but ended up just going round and round the block because his parents told him never to cross the road by himself.

 

I’m sorry, Edward. There is nothing more you can do. You are as Jewish as Moses, Woody Allen and the Chief Rabbi of Wales. And you always will be. There is nothing you can do to change it.

 

In fact, it seems that being Jewish is the most dominant facet of your personality. It is even influencing the place you want to be buried. (Why would an atheist care about where they are buried?)

 

Edward, Jewishness is not a belief, a feeling, a conviction or a lifestyle. It is a state of being. You have a beautiful Jewish soul. You can either celebrate it or fight against it. But it will always be there. So why not celebrate it?

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

Question of the Week:  

 

How do you reconcile the age of the universe according to science with the Torah account? According to the Torah we are in the year 5769 from creation. Yet science claims the world is around 16 billion years old. A bit of a discrepancy, wouldn’t you say?
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Answer:

 

I don’t see any discrepancy here. Why can’t we say that the 16 billion year old world was created 5769 years ago? Sounds weird? Let’s travel back in time to see if it can make sense.

Let’s imagine that you visited Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden on the very day they were created. The world is six days old, and the first human beings are not even one day old yet. And yet, they are fully grown and intelligent beings. Obviously Adam and Eve did not start life as babies, for who would look after them? And so while their passport would indicate that they were born today, their bodies would indicate that they were fully matured adults.

And just say that before Adam and Eve had a chance to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, you decided to chop down the tree to count the rings and see how old it was. You would find that the tree gives the impression of being years old, even though it was just created a couple of days ago. And the same would happen if you would carbon date the rocks in the Garden of Eden. Though freshly minted by the hand of G-d only days ago, they would seem millions or billions of years old.

This is because the world was created complete. Out of nothing, G-d made a world ready to inhabit, and then created mature human beings to live in it. G-d created trees, not seeds; adults, not babies; mountains, not molehills.

The old question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, is answered by the Torah. G-d made chickens, not eggs.

When science dates the world, it doesn’t take into account the starting point – the world was old already at the beginning. So indeed the world that is 16 billion years old was created 5771 years ago. There’s no contradiction.

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

Question of the Week: 

I’m sorry I missed your son’s upsherin. Mazel tov! I especially wanted to come as I know nothing about this custom. What is the idea behind leaving a child’s hair uncut until the third birthday? 

Answer:

The education of a child starts at birth, or even before. The newborn soul absorbs everything he is surrounded with, and so during the early years of life we try to provide a child with an environment that is holy and wholesome, an atmosphere of love and purity. We don’t want to expose this precious soul to negative images, impure energy or ugliness. For while he may be too young to be consciously aware, he is taking everything in. The books we read to him, the pictures we show him, the conversations we have in front of him, all leave an imprint on his consciousness.

Age three is a turning point in the development of a child’s mind. He becomes more aware of himself and attentive to what is going on around him. He starts to absorb lessons not just by osmosis but by conscious learning and instruction. His education must now be more formalised and deliberate, as he starts to learn concepts and shapes, letters and numbers, right and wrong.

In the Kabbalah, the hair represents the unconscious, that which surrounds the mind. For the first three years of life it is this part of consciousness that develops and grows. We can’t expect the child to learn formally, so rather than try to shape his mind internally through formal education, we teach him through immersing him in goodness and surrounding him in purity. Then at age three we give him a haircut, taking this wild energy and channelling it into a neat order. The time has come to take that which surrounded his mind and bring it down into his conscious mind.

Becoming a parent means being entrusted with a little piece of the divine. Being a good parent means surrounding your precious gift with the love and holiness that will make his soul shine, and trimming his wildness so his energy is channeled for the good.

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

 

 

Question of the Week: 

  

As a fitness trainer, I wonder: Do health and fitness have a place in Judaism? It seems that the secular world encourages a healthy life far more than the Jewish world does. I hear rabbis talk about spiritual matters, but find it hard to listen to them if they themselves are overweight. Is physical well-being not important?

 

Answer:

 

In our modern world, we are seeing health is the new morality. Good and bad are now measured in calories. My cereal box invites me to “Taste the goodness” - not a moral value, but rather a nutritional value. The scales of merit are not found in heaven anymore but are right there on the bathroom floor, and the daily judgment is pronounced in kilos and pounds.

 

This all makes sense if you see the human being as just a body without a soul. If the flesh is all there is, health becomes the highest ideal. But from the Jewish perspective, the soul is our true self, and the body its vehicle. The body and its health are important only because through it we express our higher self.

 

The great Jewish thinker, Maimonides, wrote in the 12th century:

 

   “Caring for the health and well-being of the body is one of the ways of serving G-d.” 

 

And he immediately explains why:

 

   “One is unable to think clearly and comprehend truth if he is unwell.”

 

If your mind is cloudy, you may lack moral clarity to know what’s right. While battling with illness, we may not find the stamina to battle the ills of the world. That’s why we need to look after our bodies. A healthy body is not in itself our life’s purpose; it helps us fulfil our purpose. It is a vehicle that transports us towards goodness, it is not the destination.

 

Jewish tradition provides no excuse for being unhealthy. On the contrary, it gives the best reason possible to live healthy: Life has meaning and purpose, and each day is precious. Only if life has meaning is it worth taking care of. The risks of high cholesterol, heavy smoking and drug use are only a concern to one who values life. The threat of a shorter life span means nothing to someone who sees life as pointless.

 

We are the healthiest generation in history, and our life expectancy is reaching biblical proportions. This means we have more time and energy to fulfil our purpose – to elevate our corner of the world, and tip the scales towards true goodness.

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

 

 

 

Question of the Week: 

  

I am considering getting a tattoo. A very small one, but a tattoo none the less. It is a very meaningful one for me, and is even quite spiritual. I don’t believe I am disrespecting my body by putting it there, quite the opposite. I also see my body as being transient and impermanent, and ultimately will be recycled back into the earth, while my “soul” will live on in some fashion. With this kind of logic, a tattoo on the skin doesn’t seem so terrible. I however must first deal with the Jewish guilt aspect. Is getting a tattoo a sin, or just not recommended? What should I be considering before making this decision?

Answer:

 

I think it is a great idea to decorate your body with spiritual art. There’s nothing more beautiful than being covered head to toe with meaningful adornments. But not a tattoo.

 

Tattooing is clearly prohibited by the Torah. “You shall not place a tattoo on yourself, I am the Lord” (Lev. 19:28). The body is not ours to deface. It is loaned to us in order to fulfil our mission. Indeed, a part of this mission is to decorate our body, not with physical paint from a tattoo parlour, but with a spiritual imprint from our soul.

 

The soul didn’t come down into this world for itself. Rather, the soul came down for the body’s sake – to elevate and refine the body. We are sent into this world to transform darkness into light, to take an unG-dly universe and make it into a home for G-d, and to take our untamed and animalistic body and align it with G-d’s will. For the soul to be holy is no big deal – after all, it is a soul, it always was holy, it is spiritual already. But for a body to become holy – that is an amazing achievement. And that’s our mission.

 

This is why the Torah speaks little about heaven or other worlds, and focuses on this life in this world. And that’s why the mitzvos of the Torah are all physical – put on Tefillin, light Shabbos candles, eat Kosher, blow a Shofar, put up a Mezuzah. Even prayer and study are done with our physical minds and physical mouths. We are here to elevate the material, not escape it. We are here to make this world holy, not run away to some world that is holy already. We are here to refine our body, along with its physical urges and course character traits; not belittle the body and focus on our soul which is holy anyway.

 

For this reason, the body should not be taken lightly. It is a sanctuary, a temple, a holy home for the soul. The Kabbalah even says that in the future we will understand that body is really higher than soul. The soul is a ray of G-d’s light; the body is a reflection of G-d’s very essence.

 

At the end of our lives we are expected to return our body to its Maker, not in the same form we got it, but rather as a refined work of art. This is not achieved with dyes and needles, but with the hard work of changing negative personality traits, conquering bad habits, sensitising ourselves to others, subduing evil urges, training ourselves to do good and becoming in tuned with our divine purpose. There is no quick or easy path to do this. It is the work of a lifetime. And that’s what we are here to do.

 

Think it all through very carefully. A tattoo is something irreversible. You will have to live with it forever. What may seem like a good idea now may seem quite stupid down the track. It may be hard to explain to your grandparents, and even harder to explain to your grandchildren. I have met too many people who regret getting tattoos because they didn’t understand the seriousness of it at the time. What is meaningful to you now may change. The Torah doesn’t. 

 

I believe your desire to get a tattoo is coming from a pure place within you. So I recommend you get a different type of tattoo. Tattoo your body with mitzvos, cover it with holiness, decorate it with true spirituality. To do so is a decision you will never regret.

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

 

Question of the Week: 

 

I understand the reason I will be breaking a glass under my foot at the end of the wedding ceremony is to commemorate the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem some 2000 years ago. This indeed was a significant event in Jewish history, but it doesn’t seem to have any personal relevance to me. What does a destroyed building have to do with my wedding?

 

Answer:

 

The destruction of the Temple has extreme personal relevance. It happened to you. The shattering of the glass commemorates not only the fall of Jerusalem, but also a cataclysmic shattering that happened to your very own temple, your soul.

 

Before you were born, you and your soulmate were one – a single soul. Then, as your time to enter this world approached, G-d shattered that single soul into two parts, one male and one female. These two half souls were then born into the world to try and find each other and reunite.

 

At the time, the split seemed tragic. What was once a peaceful unit had become fragmented and incomplete. Why break something just so it should be fixed? If you were meant to be together, why didn’t G-d leave you together?

 

Only when standing under the Chuppah do you find the answer to this question. At the wedding, these two halves are becoming whole, reuniting never to part again. And you can look back at the painful experience of being separated, and actually celebrate it. For now you realise that the separation brought you closer. Only by being torn apart, living lives away from each other, were you able to develop as individuals, mature and grow, and then come together in a true relationship, a deeper oneness than you had before, because it is created by your choice. Had you never been separated, you would never appreciate what it means to be together, because it wasn’t earned. At the wedding you realise that your soul was only split in order to reunite and become one on a higher and deeper level than before.

 

And so we break a glass under the Chuppah, and we immediately say Mazel Tov. Because now, in retrospect, even the splitting of the souls is reason to be joyous, for it gave your connection depth and real meaning.

 

So you see, your personal story and the story of Jerusalem’s destruction are inextricably linked. The shattering that happened to Jerusalem happened to your soul; and the joy you are experiencing now will one day be experienced by Jerusalem too.

 

The Temple was not a mere building, it was the meeting place of heaven and earth, ideal and reality, G-d and creation. When the Temple was lost, with it went the open relationship between G-d and the world. Our souls were ripped away from our Soulmate.

 

The only antidote to fragmentation is unity. And the deepest unity is experienced at a wedding. Every wedding is a healing, a mending of one fragmented soul, a rebuilding of Jerusalem in miniature. Our sages teach us, “Whoever celebrates with a bride and groom it is as if he rebuilt one of the ruins of Jerusalem.” When soulmates reunite in holy marriage, an energy of love and oneness is generated, elevating the world and bringing it one step closer to mending its broken relationship with G-d. 

 

And one day soon, when the Temple in Jerusalem is rebuilt, our souls will reunite with G-d, our Soulmate, in a true relationship that we built ourselves. We will no longer mourn the destruction, but looking back we will finally understand its purpose, and we will celebrate. Then, even the shattering will deserve a Mazel Tov.

 

All the best,

Rabbi Moss

 

Question of the Week:

As a believing Christian, I made a recent pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I was profoundly disturbed by the Jewish state and its criminal occupation of the West Bank. How can you justify usurping land that belongs to others?

Answer: 

You are entitled to your opinion on the matter. But I hope you are consistent in your beliefs. Being that you oppose a Jewish presence on the West Bank, I assume you will not be participating in any celebrations during the coming days. According to your view, there is no reason to be merry on December 25.

The Christian holidays celebrate an event that you have named a criminal act – the birth of a Jewish baby to a Jewish family living in the West Bank town of Bethlehem. Your views should not allow you to have any part in this cheer, for if you did you would be giving retroactive approval to a Jewish settlement on the West Bank that dates back more than two thousand years.

Perhaps you will be joined by the UN and other humanitarian organizations around the world condemning any celebrations this week that are connected with this controversial birth, as such events would be recognizing the rights of a Jewish family to live on what you see as occupied territory.

However I must warn you, by espousing this view and not celebrating, you will be vastly outnumbered. Not that it’s so bad to be in the minority, I personally have been all my life. But keep in mind, while you accuse Israel of occupying land, there will be two billion Christians around the world celebrating the fact that the West Bank has always been the home of the Jewish people.

 All the best,

Rabbi Moss

 Question of the Week: Why is dating so hard these days? Never in history have people struggled with relationships so much. So many of my friends are still single and looking. And even my married friends seem to have to work hard to keep it together. What’s wrong with us?

 

Answer:  

We are a generation of complicated souls. Some of it is our own doing, but some of it is the destiny thrust upon us. The knotty world of modern dating is partly a reflection of the complex nature of the modern soul.

The search for a soulmate will be made easier or harder depending on what type of soul you have. The master kabbalist Rabbi Isaac Luria taught that only new souls have an easy time finding their soulmate. When your soul comes to this world for the first time, you are fresh and unencumbered. Your vision is clear and your heart is open, and it is easy to recognise your soulmate.

But for those souls who have been here before, reincarnated souls, it doesn’t come so easily. Reincarnated souls come to the world with the baggage of their previous life, and though every soul is born pure, a reincarnated soul is born complicated.

So while a new soul will meet and recognise their soulmate immediately, an old soul will have to work harder. They may have to meet many others before they meet the right one. They may need to do a lot of growing and inner development before being ready to recognise their soulmate. There is a lot of stuff to get over first – like unrealistic expectations, over-specific requirements, exaggerated self-images, superficial hang-ups and the residue of relationships of the past. And even when soulmates do find each other, they will have to work hard to make things work.

The kabbalists declared that almost all souls these days have been here before. Very few new souls are coming down. So we can expect the search for soulmates to be more challenging now than ever. Our souls are carrying baggage – some we have inherited and some our own doing – and only by working through those layers do we remove the barriers that stand between our soul and our soulmate.

The best way to bring about meeting your soulmate is to be more in touch with your own soul. When your soul is pulsating with inspiration and clarity, when you are spiritually grounded and bringing goodness to your surroundings, then you are most prone to meeting your soulmate. It may take some effort, but that is your destiny.

 

All the best
Rabbi Moss